Last week I wrote a post about why I won’t go to my fathers funeral. I don’t regret it. It actually felt very good to put my reasons down in writing.
I felt calm afterwards. And I managed to focus at the important things after that. The people I actually care about, my work and my education.
I got a lot of positive response from people. Explaining why I chose not to be part of that family will be much easier from now.
Still there are some people sending messages and “updates” about my father’s health. That’s as annoying as a mosquito flying around you when you try to sleep. And it bites are itchy. How can you make people understand to shut up, leave you alone when they ain’t taking the message of what you say to them?
I tried to explain to my mother that I wasn’t interested in her long reports about who was supporting her and what they’re doing. It’s of course good for her to have people who care and help her. She’s got a difficult life and has to face though times. I think everyone should have people like that around. But I really don’t need a report. I’m not interested. I don’t know these people. I don’t have plans to go and get to know them. I don’t need to know anything about them. They don’t know me either. We never met…
I realise my mother has her needs to comfort. But why should I be the one to comfort that?
She got her husband back home one week after she told me he would die. And now he’s well enough to be at home.
I kindly asked not to get any of these hospital, who cares and how updates anymore. I don’t have the time to use energy on this matter.
That might sounds cold, but I left 20 years ago, with good reasons. I haven’t been in their hometown for two years. I never call. What more can I do to make people understand that I’m gone? Guess I never gonna get an answer to that.
They’re probably angry because I don’t jump to their needs. I don’t respond like they want me to. I’m not coming running towards them. Actually quite the opposite happens: I’ll just walk further away – like blocking their e-mail addresses and phone numbers….
Maybe that’s what gonna work. Maybe not to the best reaction. But what else can I do??? To be dragged into their issues all the time steals my energy.
The only reason why they know where I am today is because I had grand-parents I cared about and wanted to stay in touch with.
I really wonder if they’ll ever understand that I’m not playing cards with them anymore. I left the table long time ago….